After work today I went to the mall for new shoes. I decided to grab a quick lunch at Chick-fil-A in the food court before shopping. I mean, who can resist those delicious nuggets?! As I ate my lunch, I watched kiddos of all ages smiling and giggling, riding up and down and round and round on the carousel. Parents and grandparents stood watching, waving, and taking pictures.
My mind drifted to Conor’s first carousel ride, which happened on this exact carousel when he was about 9 months old. That day, I had driven to Dothan for a job interview, but did not have a babysitter for Conor, so my Daddy took off work early to keep him while I went for the interview. He told me that they were going to stay around Dothan since my interview wouldn’t take too long, but he didn’t have any exact plans for them. I finished up the interview and checked my phone as I got in the car. I had a text from Daddy, a man who almost never texted. I quickly opened the text to see this:
My sweet baby, holding on with his hands and bare feet, while riding a lion.
Daddy had taken Conor to the mall to ride the carousel while I was in the interview. Emma loved the carousel and wanted to ride it every chance she had, so Daddy just knew Conor would love it, too. He was right! Conor loved the carousel! He even had his first birthday party at the mall carousel; Conor and Papa took many rides on the carousel during that birthday party. If I had known that a short six months later Daddy would go to his heavenly home, I would’ve taken a gazillion pictures that day. I wouldn’t have been so worried about getting every detail of the party right. I would’ve been soaking up every single second of Conor with his Papa – riding the carousel over and over, both of them laughing and having the best time.
I am a perfectionist by nature. Sometimes, to a fault. I need things to be as perfect as I can make them and sometimes (most times, if I’m being honest) I let myself get so engrossed in the details that I miss the big picture. I miss out on conversations because I’m busy with making the kitchen perfect. I forget to enjoy preparing a meal for friends/family because I pick out recipes that have 27 ingredients and take 12 years to perfect and I put expectations on myself that it should turn out exactly like the chef’s online picture. I miss out on appreciating the party and the fun because I’m too busy criticizing my every move and wondering if my effort was enough. I sweat the small stuff even though I’ve heard my entire life to not do that. And, it’s supposedly all small stuff, right?
Today as I was watching the carousel, I realized how much I miss out on simply because of my perfectionist approach to most events. Having things in order is important to me, but people and experiences are much more important. So, I am gonna work on relaxing and enjoying people and adventures again, instead of stressing about all the little details. I’m gonna make memories and take pictures and have conversations.
If Daddy were still here on this earth, he would have turned 64 this week. The time around his birthday is always tough for me. I like to think he helped jog those memories in me today. He was a man who laughed and took pictures and was present in the moment. He paid attention to the details but didn’t let himself get consumed by them. He was a wise man. We are approaching the seventh anniversary of his death; this song by Westlife always helps me when I’m missing him so much. I’ll see you again, Daddy.
Dear friends who are perfectionists,
Don’t drown in the details. Make the memories, take the pictures, enjoy the moments.
Sincerely,
C Bass
Sincerely, C Bass 